smallangryplanet: (Default)
I can’t believe December is almost over. The winter break is passing too fast and I really need it to slow down. School starts for me again on January 3, and I don’t know if I’m ready to start again. I just can’t deal with everything all over again. Also, I just… really don’t want it to be 2019. I’m turning 20 in 2019. That’s too old. I don’t want to be that old.

During breaks from school, I always feel really guilty if I don’t get anything done, so I’ve been trying to write 2,000 words a day of the project that I’m writing. It’s been working so far. I’ve been averaging about 2,300 words a day. I am really enjoying writing this current project (a Harry Potter fanfiction that I’ve somehow written 100,000 words of so far). I have a certain amount that I want to get done before school starts again.

A lot of things are stressing me out. Tomorrow, my family is leaving to visit my grandmother, which is fine, but we have to drive for seven hours and then I have to sleep in the same room as my mom and my brother which I hate because I’m super noise sensitive and can’t sleep in the same room as other people. Also, there was a power outage where we live yesterday that lasted most of the day and the night. I’m really glad it didn’t happen while I was in school, but it was stressful because I didn’t know when the power was going to come back on. I hate situations that I have no control over.

I’m also panicking about some random school related things. I need to respond to an email from one of my professors from last term and I do not want to do it. I’ll feel better once I do but I Just Can’t Do It. Also I feel anxious about seeing my college friends again. I have a huge crush on one of them and I just can’t deal with seeing her again. She’s in two of my classes next term.

I literally got straight A’s this term (and every other term I’ve been in school) but I’m totally worried I’m going to fail all my classes next term. It would be really nice if I believed I was actually somewhat in control of how well I do in school rather than believing it’s all due to chance. It would be nice if my brain didn’t constantly tell me that everything is horrible.
smallangryplanet: (Default)
Hello.

I’ve been wanting to create an account on here for a while. The whole recent mess with Tumblr made me decide for sure to come over here.

What am I going to post on here? I don’t really know yet. Probably mostly fandom stuff. Right now I’m mostly into Doctor Who. I love series 11 and Thirteen! I’m also always into reading, especially science fiction and fantasy (mostly YA but adult too). If anyone has any fantasy/sci-fi recs, ESPECIALLY if they have queer characters, please let me know. Recently I’ve been reading the Fifth Season series by N. K. Jemisin (I’m only on the first book) and the Murderbot Diaries series by Martha Wells. I highly recommend both.

I guess I’ll probably talk about what’s going on in my life on here too. My life mostly revolves around school. I’m on winter break as of today. I had my last final of the term yesterday. That’s why I decided to create an account on here now, actually. I suddenly have a lot of time. I have nineteen days until next term.

Some things about me:

- I love female characters and femslash. Right now I’m in love with Thirteen/Yaz from Doctor Who.
- I currently have six different ideas for novels and four ideas for fanfics that I want to write and literally zero time to write any of them which is sad.
- I like writing sad poetry in the middle of the night.
- I was homeschooled for most of my childhood and then I did high school online. As a consequence, going to university has been Quite An Experience and I am dying.
- I’m an extreme overachiever. One time in high school I got a B- on something and I cried for days.
- I have a disability. It’s a visual impairment, but I can pass as normally sighted in most settings. People are usually super surprised to find out I’m legally blind. Since I was a kid, I’ve had trouble identifying myself as a disabled person, at first because of internalized ableism, and now because I sometimes don’t feel disabled enough to count.
- Whenever I become a real adult (right now I’m not even successfully managing to pretend that I am one), I want to get a tiny apartment in a city with nothing in it except for books. Just wall-to-wall bookshelves. And a bed, I guess, because I do need to sleep.
- I think way too much about the end of the world.

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Zoe

January 2019

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