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The Friday Five
Jan. 18th, 2019 05:53 pm1. Do you remember when you were first addressed as sir or ma'am?
Not really. I remember several instances when I was younger of people calling me “miss” which I found very strange and did not like at all. I still can’t stand being called “miss” or “ma’am” or anything like that because it’s too gendered. I’m generally fine with she/her pronouns, but other gendered words applied to me make me really uncomfortable. The absolute worst thing is being referred to as a “lady”. It makes me feel horrible. So, my earliest memories of being referred to as “ma’am” or anything like that remind me more of my own gender confusion than the idea of growing up.
2. Do you remember when you first realized the difference between being childish and childlike?
I don’t remember a specific instance, but it was probably when I was about eleven to thirteen. Around that time, I started becoming conscious of when I was acting like a child. I remember getting irrationally upset about things several times and at the same time being completely aware of how childish I was being. It was actually really horrible, because I was self-aware enough to feel guilty for complaining and making things difficult for my parents, but I didn’t have enough self-control to stop myself. So, for a while, I felt really guilty whenever I did anything childish, including things like playing with toys and enjoying making up stories. It took me a few more years to understand that liking children’s things is not the same thing as being childish. I think I still act kind of like a child sometimes when I get overly enthusiastic, but I’ve accepted that part of myself by now.
3. Do you remember the first time you realized you were more adult than child?
I remember an exact moment for this one. I was seventeen years old and it was the beginning of my last year of high school. I was at a restaurant with my parents and I was having an adult conversation with them about college and future careers and stuff and it struck me so suddenly that I was about to turn eighteen and do all sorts of adult things I’d never done before. It was a really terrifying feeling, to be honest. Until that point, I’d felt fully like a child. I never really felt like a teenager, maybe because I was homeschooled for most of my school years. So suddenly I was thinking of myself as an almost adult and I did not like it at all. I don’t like change.
4. Do you remember your first taste of major independence?
My first taste of real independence was when I was eighteen during my first term of university. It may sound shocking to some people, but I’d literally never done anything without my parents before that point. I still live with my parents and honestly, I’m not hugely independent. I highly doubt I’ll be moving out any time in the near future. So really, I haven’t actually experienced real independence yet. I can’t do any adult things by myself, like go to the bank. I’m terrified of going to the bank.
5. Do you remember what you bought with your first paycheck?
I’ve… never had a job. I’ve volunteered, but I’ve never worked and gotten money for it. Not even a tiny job. I’ve been paying for school with scholarships (which, due to my ridiculous high school grades, I have a lot of). Honestly, when I do get a job, I doubt I’ll spend my first paycheck on anything. I hate buying things. That sounds weird, but I legitimately hate owning items. I’d own literally nothing if I could.
Not really. I remember several instances when I was younger of people calling me “miss” which I found very strange and did not like at all. I still can’t stand being called “miss” or “ma’am” or anything like that because it’s too gendered. I’m generally fine with she/her pronouns, but other gendered words applied to me make me really uncomfortable. The absolute worst thing is being referred to as a “lady”. It makes me feel horrible. So, my earliest memories of being referred to as “ma’am” or anything like that remind me more of my own gender confusion than the idea of growing up.
2. Do you remember when you first realized the difference between being childish and childlike?
I don’t remember a specific instance, but it was probably when I was about eleven to thirteen. Around that time, I started becoming conscious of when I was acting like a child. I remember getting irrationally upset about things several times and at the same time being completely aware of how childish I was being. It was actually really horrible, because I was self-aware enough to feel guilty for complaining and making things difficult for my parents, but I didn’t have enough self-control to stop myself. So, for a while, I felt really guilty whenever I did anything childish, including things like playing with toys and enjoying making up stories. It took me a few more years to understand that liking children’s things is not the same thing as being childish. I think I still act kind of like a child sometimes when I get overly enthusiastic, but I’ve accepted that part of myself by now.
3. Do you remember the first time you realized you were more adult than child?
I remember an exact moment for this one. I was seventeen years old and it was the beginning of my last year of high school. I was at a restaurant with my parents and I was having an adult conversation with them about college and future careers and stuff and it struck me so suddenly that I was about to turn eighteen and do all sorts of adult things I’d never done before. It was a really terrifying feeling, to be honest. Until that point, I’d felt fully like a child. I never really felt like a teenager, maybe because I was homeschooled for most of my school years. So suddenly I was thinking of myself as an almost adult and I did not like it at all. I don’t like change.
4. Do you remember your first taste of major independence?
My first taste of real independence was when I was eighteen during my first term of university. It may sound shocking to some people, but I’d literally never done anything without my parents before that point. I still live with my parents and honestly, I’m not hugely independent. I highly doubt I’ll be moving out any time in the near future. So really, I haven’t actually experienced real independence yet. I can’t do any adult things by myself, like go to the bank. I’m terrified of going to the bank.
5. Do you remember what you bought with your first paycheck?
I’ve… never had a job. I’ve volunteered, but I’ve never worked and gotten money for it. Not even a tiny job. I’ve been paying for school with scholarships (which, due to my ridiculous high school grades, I have a lot of). Honestly, when I do get a job, I doubt I’ll spend my first paycheck on anything. I hate buying things. That sounds weird, but I legitimately hate owning items. I’d own literally nothing if I could.
