I am not lost

Some Thoughts on Comedies

Wed, 30 Jan 2019 03:29:10 GMT

I don’t really like comedies. Not usually, anyway. I’ve tried watching shows that everyone likes (The Office, Parks and Rec etc), but I just can’t get into them. I can’t stand certain forms of humour that are common in a lot of comedies. I don’t find these kinds of humour funny, and in fact it sometimes makes me feel really weird and depressed to watch comedies. It’s such a weird reaction, and I’ve never met anyone who can relate at all.

Anyway, I have managed to get into a few comedies. I’ve watched all of Brooklyn Nine Nine up to and including the most recent episodes of season six. I also have watched all three seasons of The Good Place. Other than those two shows, the only other comedy I’ve watched recently doesn’t really count as a comedy at all. It’s A Series of Unfortunate Events. For some reason, dark comedy doesn’t usually give me the same depressed feeling as regular comedy. What is wrong with me? I don’t know.

Here are some of my thoughts on each of these shows.

Brooklyn Nine Nine: ( Read more... )

The Good Place: ( Read more... )

A Series of Unfortunate Events: ( Read more... )

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The Friday Five

Sat, 19 Jan 2019 02:05:12 GMT

1. Do you remember when you were first addressed as sir or ma'am?

Not really. I remember several instances when I was younger of people calling me “miss” which I found very strange and did not like at all. I still can’t stand being called “miss” or “ma’am” or anything like that because it’s too gendered. I’m generally fine with she/her pronouns, but other gendered words applied to me make me really uncomfortable. The absolute worst thing is being referred to as a “lady”. It makes me feel horrible. So, my earliest memories of being referred to as “ma’am” or anything like that remind me more of my own gender confusion than the idea of growing up.

2. Do you remember when you first realized the difference between being childish and childlike?

I don’t remember a specific instance, but it was probably when I was about eleven to thirteen. Around that time, I started becoming conscious of when I was acting like a child. I remember getting irrationally upset about things several times and at the same time being completely aware of how childish I was being. It was actually really horrible, because I was self-aware enough to feel guilty for complaining and making things difficult for my parents, but I didn’t have enough self-control to stop myself. So, for a while, I felt really guilty whenever I did anything childish, including things like playing with toys and enjoying making up stories. It took me a few more years to understand that liking children’s things is not the same thing as being childish. I think I still act kind of like a child sometimes when I get overly enthusiastic, but I’ve accepted that part of myself by now.

3. Do you remember the first time you realized you were more adult than child?

I remember an exact moment for this one. I was seventeen years old and it was the beginning of my last year of high school. I was at a restaurant with my parents and I was having an adult conversation with them about college and future careers and stuff and it struck me so suddenly that I was about to turn eighteen and do all sorts of adult things I’d never done before. It was a really terrifying feeling, to be honest. Until that point, I’d felt fully like a child. I never really felt like a teenager, maybe because I was homeschooled for most of my school years. So suddenly I was thinking of myself as an almost adult and I did not like it at all. I don’t like change.

4. Do you remember your first taste of major independence?

My first taste of real independence was when I was eighteen during my first term of university. It may sound shocking to some people, but I’d literally never done anything without my parents before that point. I still live with my parents and honestly, I’m not hugely independent. I highly doubt I’ll be moving out any time in the near future. So really, I haven’t actually experienced real independence yet. I can’t do any adult things by myself, like go to the bank. I’m terrified of going to the bank.

5. Do you remember what you bought with your first paycheck?

I’ve… never had a job. I’ve volunteered, but I’ve never worked and gotten money for it. Not even a tiny job. I’ve been paying for school with scholarships (which, due to my ridiculous high school grades, I have a lot of). Honestly, when I do get a job, I doubt I’ll spend my first paycheck on anything. I hate buying things. That sounds weird, but I legitimately hate owning items. I’d own literally nothing if I could.

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Doctor Who Review: Resolution

Sat, 05 Jan 2019 03:53:37 GMT

So, I’ve never been a huge fan of Doctor Who Christmas specials. I just generally am not fond of Christmasy things, and like 70% of the Doctor Who Christmas specials were just… really, really bad. I was actually happy to learn that they were doing a New Years special this year instead of a Christmas special. Not only did it mean that there wouldn’t be any annoying Christmas-themed stuff, it was also just a good decision all around, in my opinion. I mean, Christmas is a Christian holiday. Yaz is Muslim, and a lot of the people who watch Doctor Who aren’t Christian. New Years day at least isn’t strictly a religious holiday. Plus, Doctor Who just really needed a change.

And I really loved this episode. It was so much fun! It definitely feels like a proper conclusion to Series 11 when The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos didn’t. It had some excellent comedic moments, some legitimately scary scenes, and some genuinely touching and emotional scenes. I’d give it a 9/10. Spoilery thoughts are below the cut.

( Read more... )

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2018 is Almost Over

Sun, 23 Dec 2018 03:13:54 GMT

I can’t believe December is almost over. The winter break is passing too fast and I really need it to slow down. School starts for me again on January 3, and I don’t know if I’m ready to start again. I just can’t deal with everything all over again. Also, I just… really don’t want it to be 2019. I’m turning 20 in 2019. That’s too old. I don’t want to be that old.

During breaks from school, I always feel really guilty if I don’t get anything done, so I’ve been trying to write 2,000 words a day of the project that I’m writing. It’s been working so far. I’ve been averaging about 2,300 words a day. I am really enjoying writing this current project (a Harry Potter fanfiction that I’ve somehow written 100,000 words of so far). I have a certain amount that I want to get done before school starts again.

A lot of things are stressing me out. Tomorrow, my family is leaving to visit my grandmother, which is fine, but we have to drive for seven hours and then I have to sleep in the same room as my mom and my brother which I hate because I’m super noise sensitive and can’t sleep in the same room as other people. Also, there was a power outage where we live yesterday that lasted most of the day and the night. I’m really glad it didn’t happen while I was in school, but it was stressful because I didn’t know when the power was going to come back on. I hate situations that I have no control over.

I’m also panicking about some random school related things. I need to respond to an email from one of my professors from last term and I do not want to do it. I’ll feel better once I do but I Just Can’t Do It. Also I feel anxious about seeing my college friends again. I have a huge crush on one of them and I just can’t deal with seeing her again. She’s in two of my classes next term.

I literally got straight A’s this term (and every other term I’ve been in school) but I’m totally worried I’m going to fail all my classes next term. It would be really nice if I believed I was actually somewhat in control of how well I do in school rather than believing it’s all due to chance. It would be nice if my brain didn’t constantly tell me that everything is horrible.

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My Thoughts on Doctor Who Series 11

Sat, 22 Dec 2018 05:15:52 GMT

I thought I’d write about some of my thoughts on Doctor Who series 11. I know it has flaws, but honestly it’s been the most enjoyable season for me since Davies’ era. It’s not that I hated Moffat’s era or anything, I just never got as into it as I was with Davies’ era. I really enjoyed the majority of the episodes in series 11, and there weren’t any episodes that I hated. Plus, I love Thirteen and all the companions. Spoilers below the cut.

( Read more... )

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My Favourite Books of 2018 Part 2

Tue, 18 Dec 2018 04:47:16 GMT

Here is part 2 of my favourite books I’ve read this year. These aren’t in any particular order.

- Bright We Burn by Kiersten White: Young Adult Historical Fiction

This is the third book in the Conqueror’s Saga, a series about a gender-swapped Vlad the Impaler and her younger brother. The first book is called And I Darken. While I liked the first book in the series, the second and third are even better. The second book remains one of my all-time favourites. This series has lots of morally gray characters (my favourite thing) and complicated relationships. One of the two main characters is gay, and there are several gay side-characters as well. I’d recommend this book to anyone who likes epic fantasy because it reads quite a bit like it is, even though it’s historical fiction without a hint of magic.

- All Systems Red by Martha Wells: Science Fiction

Also the second, third and fourth books in the Murderbot Diaries series: Artificial Condition, Rogue Protocol, and Exit Strategy. This series of novellas follows a character called Murderbot, the most relatable robot I have ever read about. Come for action-packed science fiction adventures, stay for genuinely touching stories about friendship and identity.

- Sadie by Courtney Summers: Young Adult Realistic Fiction

This book and the next book on my list which is also by the same author deal with heavy topics including sexual assault and pedophilia. This book follows Sadie who is hunting down the killer of her younger sister. It’s told half through Sadie’s perspective and half through a podcast about Sadie and her sister. This book is extremely gripping and intense. I highly recommend it.

- All the Rage by Courtney Summers: Young Adult Realistic Fiction

Again, major trigger warning for sexual assault for this one. It follows a girl who is hated by everyone in her small town after she was raped by the son of the sheriff and no one believed her. This book was the hardest book to read that I’ve read in a long time. It’s full of intense, raw emotions, and it does not sugar-coat things.

- The Fifth Season by N. K. Jemisin: Fantasy

This is an epic fantasy series about the end of the world. It follows a woman whose husband killed her son just as the world is ending. I won’t say anything else about the plot so as not to spoil anything, but this book continuously surprised me in the best way. I’m planning to read the next two books in the series very soon.

- Holes by Louis Sachar: Children’s Fiction

This is a classic that I somehow never read as a child. I had a lot of fun reading it for the first time this year. The genre of this book is pretty hard to define. Overall, it’s a surprisingly complex and multi-layered story.

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My Favourite Books of 2018 Part 1

Mon, 17 Dec 2018 02:16:17 GMT

These are some of my favourite books I’ve read this year, not in any particular order. There are no spoilers here.

- The Edge of the Abyss by Emily Skrutskie: Young Adult Science Fiction

This is the second book in a two book science fiction series about pirates and genetically engineered sea monsters. Also, the main character is a lesbian of colour and it has an F/F romance. Excellent enemies-to-lovers storyline. The first book is called The Abyss Surrounds Us.

- The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth: Young Adult Realistic Fiction

I read this because the movie was coming out. Both book and movie are excellent! Both are about a girl forced to go to conversion therapy. The book follows her from when she’s a young girl while the movie only focuses on the conversion therapy part. Obviously, the subject matter of this book is pretty heavy and I recommend it only to those who are up for it.

- The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers: Science Fiction

Also the second two books in this series: A Closed and Common Orbit and Record of a Spaceborn Few. This series is for anyone who wishes there was more optimistic science fiction. The first book is about a crew of people who build wormholes in space and it’s one of the most fun and heartwarming books I’ve read in a while. The second and third books in the series focus on different characters and different parts of the galaxy. Also, this series is where I got my URL from.

- Obsidio by Jay Kristoff and Amie Kaufman: Young Adult Science Fiction

This is the third book in the Illuminae Files series, which is one of the most unique series I’ve ever read. The first book is called Illuminae. It’s formatted as a series of different files (emails, chat logs, descriptions of camera footage, etc.). The format seemed a little weird at first, but once I got used to it, I thought it made what would have otherwise been just a fairly interesting series into something much more. The series is about a group of people fleeing through space from an evil corporation that wants to kill them. It also includes a murderous artificial intelligence named AIDAN who is one of my favourite characters ever. I highly recommend the audiobooks for this series.

- Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli: Young Adult Realistic Fiction

This is the sequel to Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda which was made into the movie Love Simon. The first book in this series is about Simon who writes anonymous emails to another anonymous gay boy at his school. Leah on the Offbeat is about Simon’s best friend Leah, and I can’t say much about it without spoiling the first book. I will say that it has a cute F/F romance.

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Introduction to Me

Sat, 15 Dec 2018 22:05:00 GMT

Hello.

I’ve been wanting to create an account on here for a while. The whole recent mess with Tumblr made me decide for sure to come over here.

What am I going to post on here? I don’t really know yet. Probably mostly fandom stuff. Right now I’m mostly into Doctor Who. I love series 11 and Thirteen! I’m also always into reading, especially science fiction and fantasy (mostly YA but adult too). If anyone has any fantasy/sci-fi recs, ESPECIALLY if they have queer characters, please let me know. Recently I’ve been reading the Fifth Season series by N. K. Jemisin (I’m only on the first book) and the Murderbot Diaries series by Martha Wells. I highly recommend both.

I guess I’ll probably talk about what’s going on in my life on here too. My life mostly revolves around school. I’m on winter break as of today. I had my last final of the term yesterday. That’s why I decided to create an account on here now, actually. I suddenly have a lot of time. I have nineteen days until next term.

Some things about me:

- I love female characters and femslash. Right now I’m in love with Thirteen/Yaz from Doctor Who.
- I currently have six different ideas for novels and four ideas for fanfics that I want to write and literally zero time to write any of them which is sad.
- I like writing sad poetry in the middle of the night.
- I was homeschooled for most of my childhood and then I did high school online. As a consequence, going to university has been Quite An Experience and I am dying.
- I’m an extreme overachiever. One time in high school I got a B- on something and I cried for days.
- I have a disability. It’s a visual impairment, but I can pass as normally sighted in most settings. People are usually super surprised to find out I’m legally blind. Since I was a kid, I’ve had trouble identifying myself as a disabled person, at first because of internalized ableism, and now because I sometimes don’t feel disabled enough to count.
- Whenever I become a real adult (right now I’m not even successfully managing to pretend that I am one), I want to get a tiny apartment in a city with nothing in it except for books. Just wall-to-wall bookshelves. And a bed, I guess, because I do need to sleep.
- I think way too much about the end of the world.

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